Recovery
by Alec Davenport
Summary: Magnus and Alec reevaluate their relationship after a threat on their lives makes them question what it is they really want. Post CoLS.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer:_ _The creative rights to all established characters belong to their original creator(s). No copyright infringement(s) have been intended._

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It had been a month - a month since Ireland and what felt like forever since his stupidity had cost him the love of his life. Alec felt disconnected from the world; his family; and even from Jace, his brother, best friend and parabatai. It took all he had in feigning normalcy to avert the sympathetic attention his presence attracted at the Institute when all he wanted was to fade into mediocrity. The passage of time felt excruciatingly slow, the pain of heartbreak resonating with every passing hour of the clock in his self-imposed solitude. He couldn't keep going; he was tired. So very tired.

Listening to the pitter-patter of raindrops against his bedroom window as he lay flat on the bed, Alec rolled over and grabbed a pillow, clutching it tightly. He breathed in the scent of sandalwood. The scent reminded him of Magnus; every breath tugged at his heavy heart and a dull ache formed in his chest. He missed him. So much – if only it mattered.

A soft knock on his door snapped Alec out of his reverie. He turned his head to squint at the clock on the far wall and groaned. It was a little after midnight and he was too tired to deal with worried family, a sympathetic friend or even a sarcastic vampire. He hoped it was the vampire.

The knock returned.

"Alec?" a soft voice spoke.

It was Isabelle and Alec swore under his breath. He knew she was there in an attempt to cheer him up but he appreciated the thought more than he did the act. With a sigh, he pulled himself up and shifted to the edge of the bed, running a hand through his dark hair.

"What?" he asked shortly.

Failing to restrain the irritation in his voice, Alec glared at the door only to meet his sister's worried frown. Without another word, he turned back onto the bed and returned to his pillow. The door creaked lightly as Isabelle let herself in and Alec felt the bed dip slightly as she sat beside him. He turned, keeping his back to her.

"Alec…" whispered Isabelle, nudging him gently with her elbow. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, Iz," Alec replied gruffly. "Leave me alone."

He heard her sigh and felt her shift a little.

"There's takeout in the kitchen if you're hungry," she said.

Alec's stomach rumbled slightly at the mention of food, reminding him that he hadn't eaten anything all day.

"Yeah, maybe later," he mumbled in response.

A slow silence fell between them.

"You should have come out to dinner with us," Isabelle said.

"I wasn't hungry," Alec lied.

Placing a hand on his shoulder, Isabelle tried to get Alec to face her without much luck.

"Everyone's worried about you, Alec," she started. "We've hardly _seen_-"

"They saw me this morning," Alec interrupted.

Isabelle sighed. "You know what I meant," she said shortly.

At Alec's silence, Isabelle began to recount her evening.

"Simon thinks Taki's needs a makeover," she began with laugh. "He's thinking of lending them his skills – I'm not sure what those skills are but Clary seems to think he's got some talent."

Alec remained still as a stone so Isabelle continued. "Jace is still burning in his angelic glory." A quiet laugh escaped her lips. "He's still afraid he's going to burn her to a heavenly crisp if he so much as looks at her wrong."

To Alec, Isabelle's voice faded into a dull drone. Jace had Clary and Isabelle had Simon. They had each other. The corner of his eyes burned at another memory of Magnus, glitter and all. He tightened his grip on his pillow, a poor substitute for his love. A sharp tugging and squeezing pain bore into his chest. He knew he was jealous. He couldn't stand being in the company of Jace and Clary when every loving look they threw at each other brought out of him an urge to hysterically strangle someone. At least the awkwardness between Isabelle and Simon was easier to stomach.

Isabelle's trailed into silence; she could tell Alec wasn't listening. Her mind flashed to an earlier conversation with Clary. Dealing with feelings and heartbreak - these to her were mundane-like problems. As a nephilim, her skill-set was particularly suited to hunting demons so she had hoped that Clary had a better idea of what she could do to help. She mentally sifted through the list of the cliché's Clary had given her but none seemed adequate. She sighed in irritation; killing demons she knew how to do. This…this required different tools from a toolbox she didn't have.

"Has Magnus called…at all?" Isabelle asked softly.

Alec shook his head.

"You need to go see him," said Isabelle.

'_It's over. I don't want to see you again, Alec.' _Magnus' voice spoke out in his mind.

"I can't," Alec replied in a whisper. "I can't...he, no…I just can't."

Alec cringed, realising how pathetic he sounded to his own ears. He was the eldest of the Lightwood children and a shadowhunter, but at that moment he sounded more like an over-emotional teenager.

_If only Magnus could see me now_. He laughed a little at the thought. "I miss him," he said, shifting slightly to face Isabelle.

"You need to talk to him," Isabelle said. "Give me your phone."

"Jace broke my phone," Alec replied with a scoff. "Remind him he still has to pay for it."

"Jace is an idiot," Isabelle chuckled before turning serious. "You have to try and fix this, Alec. If I even remotely believed in the concept, I'd say you're both destined for each other. You _both_ love sandalwood - if that's not destiny, I don't know what is."

Alec clutched his pillow even harder but managed a small laugh.

"It was my fault, Iz," admitted Alec. "He doesn't want anything to do with me."

"How can you be sure?" asked Isabelle. "He's just as miserable as you are, most likely. Word is that the High Warlock is refusing business. He won't see anyone - downworlder or anyone from the Clave."

A part of Alec wished, even hoped that Magnus was hurting as much as he was; misery loved company after all. But the other part of him could never wish ill will towards his beloved.

"Alec," said Isabelle. "What happened between you two?"

Alec opened his eyes but remained silent. He had always been emotionally reserved but it was eating him up inside; not talking to someone was getting more and more difficult.

"By the angel I'm going to march over there and pry the glitter out of that warlock," Isabelle muttered under her breath and cracked her knuckles.

Alec didn't move.

"It wasn't his fault," he whispered. "It was mine."

Maybe it was time, and he was glad it wasn't the sarcastic vampire in the room with him after all.

"Alec…" Isabelle started but was abruptly cut off.

"Camille," Alec said simply.

"Camille?" Isabelle repeated.

Alec nodded. "She and Magnus... they used to be... That night, I let her escape… I never told him."

Isabelle remained silent.

"She knew things about him, Iz" said Alec. "She knew what it was like to love him. It felt...easy talking to her. She understood...and I believed her when she pretended to care."

Though he had no tears left Alec could still feel the familiar prickling in the corner of his eyes. He felt weak and he hated it.

"There was so much about him I never knew…" Alec's voice trailed off. "Then…then I did something stupid."

Alec turned to Isabelle and was met by a look of sympathetic sadness. This was the first time he had ever spoken to anyone else about Magnus. He turned away in fear of judgement. His back to Isabelle, Alec's blue eyes focused on the speckled darkness beyond the window.

"I wanted to be with him," said Alec. "That was all I wanted. To be a part of him. But Camille... I couldn't be made immortal... so she offered me something else." Alec hesitated. "She...said there was a way to make him mortal." Alec's voice began to waver. "I didn't though. I didn't… I couldn't do that to him. But…"

"He didn't care," whispered Isabelle. "Magnus does realise you couldn't go through with it, doesn't he?"

It didn't matter. Turning onto his back, Alec stared up at the cracks in the paint that branched across the ceiling. All he had wanted was to be with Magnus. More than the fear of being outlived, Alec feared fading into insignificance. He didn't want to be just another bedpost notch. He wanted to matter.

"It doesn't change what I did," Alec replied.

Isabelle sighed. Were their roles reversed, she probably would have done the same thing. She understood. It made sense.

"Things will...work out. Somehow," was all Isabelle could say.

She gave her brother's arm a reassuring squeeze and looked up catch a pair of golden eyes retreating into the dark corridor without so much as a sound.

_I hope he doesn't do something stupid._

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_A/N: Please leave a review and thank you for reading._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed the first chapter._

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"Oh wonderful," exclaimed Magnus, rolling his eyes. "The golden boy wonder."

Magnus turned around and padded barefoot into his living room, leaving his guest at the door without so much as an invitation in.

"I believe I made myself perfectly clear to-" Magnus' voice cracked a little, "Alexander that I was done being your pet warlock."

Heading to the bar, Magnus fixed himself a purple concoction that glittered every now and again in the dimly lit room. He knocked it back in one go and then dropped onto the sofa.

Jace Lightwood whistled as he walked into the living room, lit only by the sunlight filtered by the dark drapes. The coffee table was covered with take-out containers and glasses; rubbish littered the floor. The usually meticulous apartment was in complete disarray and now resembled a stereotypical college dorm room.

"I love what you've done with the place," Jace said before turning his eyes on the warlock who was dressed in far too normal pair grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt. "Something's a little different about you," Jace said innocently. "Cut your hair recently?"

Magnus' expression was one of barely controlled annoyance. He propped his feet up on the coffee table before narrowing his cat-like eyes on Jace and forced a smile.

"What is it you want?" Magnus asked, looking at his nails. "I'm in no mood to deal with the Clave's problems."

Ignoring the warlock's not-so-subtle hostility, Jace dropped himself on the seat opposite Magnus and continued to evaluate his surroundings.

A low growl escaped Magnus' throat and his eyes narrowed on the fair-haired shadowhunter. He flicked his glittering fingers in irritation, producing small purple sparks.

"What do you want, _nephilim_?" Magnus asked. His voice rose with annoyance.

Jace finally turned his attention to Magnus, noting the dark circles under his eyes and disordered hair.

"You look terrible," Jace quipped. "Seems Alec's fashion sense has rubbed off on you a little. The black, I mean."

Magnus' gritted his teeth. "What do you want, Wayland?"

"Lightwood," Jace corrected with a smile.

"Get it in writing," Magnus shot back. "Don't make me repeat myself," he snarled. "You don't want to make me mad. Not today. Not right now."

Jace's smile disappeared. He squared his shoulders, got off the couch and pulled open the drapes to let in the afternoon sun. Magnus groaned and shielded his eyes. A quick, glittering flick of his fingers and the drapes closed and no amount of pulling on Jace's part was going to get them to open.

Jace chuckled softly. "You know why I'm here. Because of Alec," he said, moving to stand in front of the glittering warlock. He was slightly pleased to see Magnus visibly deflate at the mention of Alec's name.

"What do you care?" asked Magnus, his voice low.

"What-" Jace took a step towards Magnus, his anger flaring. "I care," he said. "More than you apparently do."

Magnus, too, was on his feet in an instant, his face within an inch of Jace. Anger burned darkly in his eyes and blue sparks gathered in his clenched fists.

"Don't you-" Magnus began with a snarl.

"What?" Jace cut off. "Let's not kid our selves, Magnus. You don't care."

Magnus' eyes flared and he quickly found his hand grabbing the young shadowhunter by the throat.

"Do not presume that you know _anything _about me, Shadowhunter," he said, sharply. "I could end your life in an instant. Simply keep talking."

"You'd never kill me," Jace said confidently.

"Why ever not?" Magnus asked, his grip tightening. Beneath his fingers, Jace's pulse began to race. Magnus smiled. "Hmm?"

"If you kill me," Jace managed. "Who do you think would go after you?"

Jace watched Magnus' expression as it changed from confusion to realisation before settling on anger. Magnus growled in frustration and let Jace go, taking a step back. In anger, he raised his hand to Jace, palm flat towards the blonde. With a bright flash, Jace felt the force of a car small car hit him squarely in the chest and flew back, crashing into the sofa on the opposite side of the room. Jace slowly climbed to his feet with a loud groan and glared at Magnus incredulously.

"That hurt," Jace said, rubbing his chest. His right hand hovered above his seraph blade tucked in his pocket, just in case, though he was all too aware that if anything were to happen to Magnus, Alec would never forgive him.

Magnus glared back. "You underestimate your own annoyance, _boy_," he said with a dark smile.

Jace sighed, dusting himself off before standing to face the angry warlock again. His playful smile was replaced by a hard and determined look – no more games. He had come here for Alec. He wasn't entirely sure what he could accomplish by confronting Magnus but he was determined to do it just the same.

"Do you still love him?" Jace asked.

The air stood still as the two stared at each other. Finally, Magnus closed his eyes and sighed. He stepped forward and reached for Jace's chest but Jace reacted, deflecting Magnus' arm with his own and stepping back, blade in hand. Magnus stopped and held up his hands.

"I won't hurt you," Magnus said. "This time."

Letting the warlock approach, Jace watched warily as his hand glowed golden where it was held against his chest. Slowly, the aches from his earlier crash melted away. Magnus was healing him.

Despite his own disdain for Jace, Magnus was well aware of the bond between Jace and Alec and hurting the blonde would do nothing but hurt Alec. So at the expense of his own pleasure, Magnus healed him. When he was done, Magnus took a step back and dropped onto the couch. From under the couch, a small white ball of fur appeared and climbed onto Magnus' lap with a purr.

"Magnus..."

"My feelings for Alexander are _none_ of your concern," said Magnus as he softly stroked his cat.

Jace stood his ground. "They are when it _hurts_ him."

Alec was not a topic he was in the mood to discuss. Alec, the one mortal, the one person he had ever loved to the extent that he would have been willing to give up his own immortality. But Alec had betrayed him; Alec never trusted him, and that was what he told himself over and over again just to forget the deep blue eyes that haunted his dreams.

Magnus stood up and safely placed Chairman Meow on the floor. The tiny feline looked up to its owner with and meowed before shooting off into the bedroom.

"I think it's time for you to leave," Magnus said and turned tiredly to Jace.

"I'm not done," Jace replied, dropping himself onto the recliner. "I'm not leaving. Not yet."

Magnus sighed. He muttered a spell under his breath and waved his hand from Jace to the door. In an instant, Jace found himself in the hallway outside. Jace quickly stuck out a foot just as Magnus was about to close the door, wedging it open.

"I said I wasn't done," Jace said pointedly.

Magnus didn't say anything. He studied the fair shadowhunter before him and sighed.

"What is it?" Magnus asked tiredly. "Say what you came here to say and leave."

Jace pushed on the door but it didn't move. From behind the door, Magnus stood back and crossed his arms.

"I never said you were still welcome," he said with raised eyebrows. "Well?"

Jace glared at the warlock for a second before recomposing himself. "I know why you ended it with Alec - the real reason."

Magnus sighed, rubbing his temples and looked tiredly at Jace. Between the warlock's ankles, Chairman Meow reappeared, purring softly. Magnus picked up the cat and gave it a sad smile before turning his sights back to Jace.

"Let's not play this game," Magnus said.

"Do you know what I think?" asked Jace.

"I don't particularly care what you think," Magnus replied, stroking the ball of fur curled up in his arm.

"Convenient, wasn't it?" asked Jace.

Magnus cocked his head in confusion. "What?"

"I know what Alec did," said Jace. "In a matter of speaking."

Magnus narrowed his eyes. "Do you now?"

"He's under this mistaken belief that he broke your trust," Jace said, his voice bordering on sarcasm. "It's a real tragedy. It's killing him."

"Mistaken belief?" Magnus repeated.

Jace smiled. "It's ridiculous!" he exclaimed animatedly. "You can't break the trust of someone who never trusted you in the first place."

Magnus stayed silent, his demeanour slowly darkening.

Jace continued. "It was an easy way out for you to keep your secrets. I get it." Jace looked confused for a second. "Well I don't get-get-it. I mean-"

"Is that all?" Magnus said curtly.

"Well, I suppose-" Jace began.

Magnus' eyes flashed.

"I suggest you move," Magnus said simply, looking pointedly at Jace's foot. "Unless you're willing to part with your right foot. As I understand, that could be a little disadvantageous and slightly painful."

Jace's shoulders were tense as he studied Magnus before slowly removing his foot from the doorway.

Magnus slammed the door. He sighed loudly and headed for the bedroom, cat in hand. Magnus set Chairman Meow down at the foot of the bed before collapsing onto it itself. He turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling.

"I know you miss him, too," Magnus whispered to the cat who had crawled up next to him.

Magnus smiled sadly and closed his eyes. He couldn't escape the beautiful blue eyes that stared back at him. His heart pounded and his own eyes flew open.

"_Oh, Alexander..._" he whispered.

There was a loud knock on the front door; three strikes and then silence. Magnus sighed and got up. Expecting to deal with another Lightwood, he took his time but just as he reached for the door, a sudden chill shot up his spine; the hair on his arms stood on end. Feeling uneasy, he clenched his left hand into a fist which turned a burning blue. Steadily, he reached for the door and pulled it open. The hallway was absent save for a light brown envelope left on his doorstep. He waved a hand over the envelope and it floated up into his hands. On the envelope was his name, written in intricate calligraphy. As Magnus opened the enclosed card, a second smaller card fell to the ground. He read the enclosed message with confusion and turned to pick up the card. Magnus gasped and turned white; his hands began to tremble as he picked up the picture of Alec.

_If he is to live, a price has to be paid._

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_A/N: Please leave a review and thank you for reading._


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Lots of thanks to the readers that reviewed the previous chapter. I hope you enjoy this one!_

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Laying flat on an old and slightly damp park bench in a quiet corner of Central park, Alec sighed as he gazed up at the cloud-covered night sky. He had a knee propped up and his dark jumper balled beneath his head as a pillow as he lost himself in his surroundings; the trees rustled loudly in the wind, a background to the engrossed couple sitting not far from him; further down was an old man on a midnight stroll, bent over his walking stick as he slowly headed towards wherever it was he was going. It was a cool and windy night and Alec wished he was back in the confines of his warm room at the Institute, tightly wrapped under his sheets; instead, he was lying down on a bench in Central Park in the middle of night. Earlier, Isabelle and Clary had managed to talk him into going with them for a walk and having been lost in his own thoughts, he wasn't entirely sure where they had gone. As a trained shadowhunter, he could have easily tracked them down but for the moment, he was fine with losing himself under the night sky. Alec closed his eyes as he listened to the trees mixed with the dull drone of traffic in the distance and interlaced by the highs of crickets chirping.

Alec quickly sat up as a sudden chill spread down his spine. It was an eery feeling that he couldn't shake off; his body tensed as his training began to kick in. He quickly scanned the area; he was suddenly alone - the couple and the old man were nowhere to be seen and the world was now so silent, he could hear his own breathing. Alec watched as the trees danced in the wind without a sound. Then the eery chill disappeared and as if someone had un-muted the world, the sounds of the city returned. Unable to shake off the feeling that someone was wrong, Alec got up and pulled on his jumper. His senses were on high alert as he studied his surroundings; the park was dimly lit as it was but now everything seemed darker as if a shadow was creeping all around him.

Sensing movement in the corner of his eye, Alec swiftly ducked behind a tree. A small distance away, he could see a man garbed in a dark cloak walking across the park, through the trees. The man's face was obscured by a large hood but Alec couldn't help but feel a peculiar sense of recognition; something in the way the hooded man moved was familiar to him. Curious, Alec silently made his way closer, making sure he remained out of sight. Alec froze as the man suddenly stopped and turned towards where he now crouched behind a bush. There was no way the hooded man could have seen him, yet the man continued to face in his direction. Through the bush, Alec began to make out features on the man's face; his chin, cheek bones and then the eyes: eyes that seemed to stare right at him. Alec's heart began to pound as he realised he was staring at the face of Magnus Bane. Alec blinked and as if he was never there, Magnus was gone.

Magnus paused to catch his breath; he was on time, and this was the right place. He searched his surroundings but there was nobody around. Peering through the shadows between the trees, Magnus saw no one and then turned to examine the picture of Alec in his hand and then turned it over to see the time on location printed on the bottom. An unnatural rustle from behind him caught Magnus' attention and he jerked away in time just as a glinting dagger flew by and embedded itself deep into the tree trunk behind him. He heard a slow clap and an unknown voice from within the shadow.

"Marvelous." The unknown voice almost purred.

Magnus' narrowed his eyes as a figure emerged from the darkness before him; a man. The man approached, his shadow peeling away to reveal pale skin, and pale blond hair. Magnus gritted his teeth in recognition.

"Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern," Magnus growled.

"In the flesh." Sebastian smiled.

Magnus remained still, shooting daggers from his eyes. "So this was your doing," he said with barely held back anger.

Sebastian's smile widened and he took an extravagant bow. "Indeed."

Magnus was not amused. Without a second thought, blue flames erupted from Magnus' hand, passing within inches of Sebastian face. He probably singed a few hairs and Magnus smiled at the thought.

A look of pure rage briefly flashed through Sebastian's calm facade before the cold smile returned. Sebastian held up a hand, his pale skin almost glowing in the night. "Now, now. Let's not be hasty," Sebastian said with a laugh.

Magnus kept his eyes on Sebastian as blue sparks began to fly from his clenched fists. Sebastian's tone was light and friendly: like two friends playing a prank on the other. Magnus' anger soared.

"Don't play games with me," Magnus said slowly, his voice low and laced with his own rage. "Where is Alec?"

Sebastian's smile widened into chilling grin as he wagged his finger at the furious warlock.

"All in due time, all in due time," replied Sebastian.

From the shadows behind Sebastian, Magnus could hear the soft giggle of a young girl. Another figure began to emerge from the darkness: a body of a grown woman dressed in a dark flowing robe; her skin pale as moonlight, blue hair framed her long face; and her nails, long and sharp like blades were held up by long, thin wrinkled fingers. As if floating out of the shadows, the woman silently took her place by Sebastian's side.

"Who are you?" Magnus asked curtly.

The woman looked at him and simply smiled. Another giggle, but her lips never moved. Then, as if on cue, the sound of footsteps and growls was all around him as a small legion of demons circled, each brandishing ornate silver daggers covered in what looked like but couldn't possibly be rust. Magnus' body tensed as turned back to Sebastian.

"There's something I need from you, Magnus," Sebastian said. "Something so special that only you have."

Magnus growled, his eyes shifting between the circling demons and Sebastian. His body tensed and he shifted on his feet, taking a defensive stance he'd learned from watching Alec; blue sparks continued to pool in his fists.

"What do you want?" Magnus asked.

Sebastian grinned widely and Magnus shivered. Beside Sebastian, another giggle left the woman.

"Your blood," whispered the woman without a twitch of her lips.

Sebastian clapped twice and all hell broke loose. Just as a blade flew by, barely missing his shoulder, blue flames erupted from Magnus' hands, burning the demons as they stood as his body began to shine all over. Blue, red and green erupted from Magnus' hands as he fought, trying as hard as he could to keep away from the blades that continued to strike at him from all directions. There were too many, and as Magnus' movements began to slow, a blade nicked his right arm. Knowing there wasn't much he could do against this many demons, Magnus crouched and slammed his fists together, sending out a right of flames around him, giving him time to reposition as blood began to drip down the length of his arm. There was another rustle and Magnus turned to see two blades flying towards him. As he dodged one blow, he knew right away that he wouldn't be fast enough to evade the other. In a flash, the blade dropped to the ground by Magnus' feet. He blinked and looked down to see the crouched body of a shadowhunter with his seraph blade shining, pointed into the ground: his shadowhunter.

"Alec?" Magnus managed to say in confusion. "How did you..."

"Later," was all Alec said as his body coiled and sprang towards the next demon.

Was Alec angry? Magnus couldn't really tell as the young shadowhunter pounced from one demon to the next, wielding his seraph blade with such deadly accuracy that he looked like a blur in the wind.

Then, for a split second, Alec smiled at him. With renewed energy, Magnus jumped back into the fight, his hands spitting out multitudes of colour at the enemy.

"I missed you!" Magnus yelled as he turned a demon to ash. From somewhere behind him, he heard Alec's unmistakeable laughter.

"I missed-" Alec plunged his blade into the gut of a demon. "you too!"

Magnus beamed. He turned to Alec to see a demon springing from behind the shadowhunter and shot a flame so fast the demon disappeared without a trace. Magnus expected a little gratitude from Alec but was instead met with a look of pure horror.'

Turning to Magnus, Alec's heart plummeted as the silent woman appeared behind the warlock, her long nails extended to resemble a lance attached by the arm.

"MAGNUS!" Alec yelled, as he watched the woman smile brightly.

It was too late. Magnus looked down to see the bladed nails pierce cleanly through his ribs. His dark cloak quickly became damp with blood. He felt a breath on his ear and the woman whispered a soft thank you before retracting her hand and disappearing into the darkness. A sharp pain followed and Magnus cried out before collapsing onto his knees and then onto the ground.

Alec was by his side in an instant. The world around him completely forgotten as he yanked off his jumper and pressed it into the heavily bleeding wound. Fear and worry were etched into his face.

"Magnus, Magnus!" Alec called out, frantic. He pulled Magnus up against him, keeping pressure against the would in a futile attempt to stop the bleeding.

Magnus couldn't help but smile. Alec looked hysterical and he found that oddly amusing. He didn't know why. He wanted to reach up and reassure the younger man that he was fine but he could barely move; the pain was sharp yet he felt numb. A groan left his lips and Magnus found himself struggling to keep his eyes open.

"MAGNUS!" Alec yelled, shaking the warlock. "Magnus, keep your eyes open. Stay with me!"

Magnus' eyes opened and he managed a smile. "It's just like a scratch from a really, really, really big cat." he whispered. "Really big."

On the verge of tears, Alec shook his head and took Magnus' hand in his. "You're delirious, but you'll be fine. We're fine. We'll be fine," he chanted to himself.

Alec bent down and pressed his forehead to Magnus'. His eyes were tightly closed, keeping back the tears that threatened to flow uncontrollably. Even Magnus' sandalwood scent was masked by the smell of blood.

"Alec!" A voice calling out to him from far away.

Alec opened his eyes and looked up to see Isabelle and Clary running towards them, their faces plastered with worry.

"By the angel. What happened, Alec?" Isabelle asked, dropping down beside Magnus and her brother. "Magnus?"

"I'm...fine." Magnus was short of breath.

Alec kept his eyes on Magnus, their hands remained together as Isabelle tore through the robe and revealed the wound. Alec couldn't miss the gasp that left his sister's lips. There was a lot of blood: Magnus' robe was drenched in it.

"We were attacked by Sebastian," he said, almost absentmindedly as he stroked Magnus' cheek with his thumb.

"Sebastian?" Clary asked as she looked around. They were left completely alone. Clary turned back to Magnus. "How's he doing?" she asked as Isabelle replaced Alec's soaked jumper with her own.

"We have to find a way to stop the bleeding," Isabelle said as she kept pressure on the wound. "Why isn't he healing himself."

Alec's eyes widened before quickly intertwining his fingers with Magnus'. "Take it," he said. "Take my strength. Take it all."

Magnus shook his head, his breathing was short and rapid from the blood loss.

"No." Magnus' voice was low and raspy. "I don't have that right. Not anymore."

"You're delirious!" Alec said, exasperated as he turned to Isabelle and Clary for support. They looked at him in sympathy but said nothing. He turned back to Magnus and in a low whisper begged Magnus to take his energy.

"Please, just take it," Alec pleaded.

Magnus could feel his energy seeping out through his wound. With what energy he had left, he raised his free hand to Alec's cheek.

"I love you" he breathed, "Always."

Alec didn't know what to do. He helplessly turned to Clary, his eyes red with sadness, imploring her to help. "Clary, please. I can't lose him," he pleaded with an unsteady voice.

"I don't know what I can do," Clary said quietly, as she looked on with a heavy heart.

"There has to be something we can do," Isabelle said. "We don't have anything at the Institute to treat a wound like this."

Clary watched as Alec held Magnus in his arms. She watched as Alec struggled to hold back the tears as his loved one began to slip away. She closed her eyes, she had felt that pain before, or thought she did. She sighed and opened her eyes to see the first tear fall. Without warning, an intricate shape began to form in her mind. Clary reached out and she grabbed Isabelle by the hand.

"I need a steele."

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_A/N: Please leave a review and thanks for reading._


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: I'm not entirely sure how but I've managed to misspell Isabelle's name throughout this entire fic so I've gone back and fixed that. Once again, lots of thanks to all the readers who've taken the time to leave a review. You guys are great! Hope you enjoy this chapter!_

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The room was quiet as the world struggled to come into focus. Magnus groaned and threw his arm over his face to shield his eyes from the sunlight streaming in through the open windows. He turned to side roughly and whimpered when a sharp pain shot across his body. His injured side throbbed and a loud groan escaped his dry lips.

"You're awake." Magnus recognised the voice as Isabelle's. He squinted at the room and gingerly tried to sit up, pausing as the pain worsened before giving up entirely.

"Your wound hasn't healed yet." Isabelle moved to Magnus' bedside and offered him a glass of water that was sitting on the nightstand. Magnus gratefully accepted the offer, gritting his teeth as he sat up and sighing as the cool liquid quenched his dry throat.

"You probably shouldn't try to move much either," Isabel added apologetically.

"I noticed," Magnus said with a snort. The pain in his side had subsided into a throb; he gritted his teeth again as he leaned back onto the bed. Feeling his arm brush against something, he turned his head and was surprised to find Alec's sleeping form beside him.

"Alec," he whispered. It had been a while since he'd woken up to find Alec lying beside him. The thought made his heart ache. Magnus frowned as he watched Alec sleep; the young shadowhunter was sprawled on his back, the way he usually slept but his skin was pale, too pale. He reached out, gingerly tracing Alec's cheek with his thumb. Magnus's frown deepened as their skin touched and he reached out for Alec's hand; his pulse was weak and his skin felt cold to the touch. Shivering slightly, Alec instinctively moved in his sleep to get warm. Magnus smiled when Alec turned and buried his face in his arm.

"What happened?" Magnus turned to Isabelle with a questioning look, his voice coarse. His eyes followed Isabelle as she dropped onto the green armchair sitting by the door and pursed her lips.

"He saved your life," Isabelle said. Sadness lined her uncharacteristically weak voice. "He gave you his strength."

"How?" There was no rune he was aware that could have allowed Alec to give him that much energy. "There's no way..."

"Clary," was all Isabelle said and Magnus understood. "She used the rune that bonded you to Alec. Changed it a little." Isabel's voice was pained as she recalled what had happened the night before. "He would have given you everything. Probably the only reason he's still alive is because Jace stopped him."

Magnus could sense the despondency in her voice but could offer nothing more than a guilty look. "Jace?" he repeated, his voice breaking slightly.

"He's gone." Isabelle shook her head. "Clary took him back to the Institute. It's probably best he stays away from you."

Magnus looked at her in confusion. "Why?"

Isabel shifted in her seat, folding her long legs beneath her. She took a deep breath and sighed. "Jace is his parabatai..." Isabelle's stared sadly at Magnus. "And you're the reason he almost died." Isabelle shifted her gaze to her brother. "You broke his heart. How do you think Jace is going to react?"

Magnus averted his gaze and turned to Alec, carefully reaching out and taking him by the hand. He sighed as their palms pressed against each other as their joined hands began to glow like a gentle sunrise.

"Magnus, what are you..." Isabelle furrowed her brows in concern.

A tired sigh left Magnus as he leaned into his pillow and closed his eyes. He let go of Alec's hand as a wave of exhaustion coursed through his body, leaving him weak; the wound on his side began to throb once more. Beside him, Alec made a sound and shifted closer; Magnus' lips twitched into a small smile and the world began to disappear as his consciousness gave way to sleep.

It was night when Magnus came to. The bedroom was darker, dimly lit by two ornate lamps sitting on the nightstands. Through the window, Magnus could hear the barrage of heavy rain against his bedroom window. A flash of lightning brightened the room for a split second before settling in the comfort of darkness. Turning to his side, Magnus frowned when he realised that Alec was gone. Slowly, he moved to sit up, his hand clutching at his side in pain as he groaned loudly. The bedroom door opened with a creak and closed with an audible click as Isabelle walked in with a tray of food.

"He's taking a shower," Isabelle said, answering Magnus' unasked question. She set the tray down on the nightstand beside Magnus and helped him sit up before returning to the armchair. Magnus watched as she stared at him.

"What?" Magnus asked.

Isabelle opened her mouth as it to speak but then turned aside in silence; she wasn't entirely sure what she wanted to say herself.

Magnus sighed. "It's about Alec, isn't it?"

Isabelle gaze returned to Magnus, her dark brown eyes boring into gold and green. "Do you love him?" she asked simply.

Magnus didn't say anything, dropping his gaze to his hands.

"I'm tired of defending you in front of Jace," Isabel continued. "I know what Alec did hurt you but he's my brother and I have to be on his side."

Magnus could do nothing but offer a look of sympathy.

"I don't want to see him hurting anymore," Isabel said, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. "If you won't be with him then-" Isabelle paused, pursing her lips. "-then make him forget. Make him forget he ever loved you."

Magnus' eyes widened in shock. "What?"

Isabelle averted her eyes, focusing on the shadows on floor. She couldn't believe what she was saying. "I know you could do it," she said softly. Her eyes shifted back to Magnus. "I don't think he can move on on his own."

"You want me to..."

Isabelle and Magnus jumped as the door opened. Alec walked in, fully dressed in his shadowhunter gear, vigorously drying hair with a towel. The smell of sandalwood shampoo wafted into the bedroom. Alec paused as he took in Isabelle and Magnus' grim expressions and furrowed his brows in confusion.

"What's going on?" Alec asked. He moved to sit on the end of the bed and turned to Isabelle. "Izzy?"

Isabelle averted her eyes.

"It's nothing important," Magnus said with a small plastered smile.

Alec turned around and looked at Magnus strangely but decided to let the matter go for now. He'd be sure to ask Isabelle about it later. Alec turned back to Isabelle but remained quiet she stood up abruptly and headed for the door. She turned back for a second and locked eyes with Magnus.

"Remember what I said," Isabelle said. She paused as Chairman Meow appeared between her feet and walked into the room before shutting the door behind her.

"What's she talking about?" Alec asked, turning around to face the injured warlock.

"It's nothing," Magnus replied coarsely, with a nonchalant wave. "Merely a warning not to engage in any extraneous activities," he added with a wink.

Alec chuckled, his cheeks turning a shade of pink. His smile disappeared at the strange look Magnus was giving him. "What?" Alec asked.

"You saved my life," Magnus said. "You gave me your strength when I wouldn't take it."

Alec stood up and moved to Magnus' side. "I couldn't let you die," he whispered.

Magnus reached out and grabbed Alec by his shirt and yanked him close, smashing their lips together in a searing kiss. Alec moaned as he leaned in, struggling to keep his balance. Alec soon began to return the kiss, pouring in all his sadness, anger and frustration. Alec's hand slipped as he shifted his weight, brushing against Magnus side. The warlock groaned, breaking off the kiss and clenched at his side.

"Sorry," Alec said, catching his breath.

Magnus whimpered as he leaned back and settled against the pillows. A chuckle left him as a ball of fur jumped up onto the bed and began nuzzling against Alec's arm.

"He missed you," Magnus said.

Alec smiled and took the small tabby cat into his arms and affectionately scratched behind the ears. The cat purred in delight.

"I miss what we had," said Alec, gently placing the cat back onto the bed. He watched as Chairman Meow stretched languidly before moving to curl up beside Magnus' head.

"Then let's go back," Magnus said. "Back before all this. Back when you kissed me in Alicante."

Alec studied the warlock with a slightly pained expression. "You know, I've thought long and hard about why I did what I did," Alec said. He reached forward and took one of Magnus' hands, his thumb gently grazing Magnus' skin sending a jolt down the warlock's spine.

"I realised two things," he said. "The first thing was that you were right."

"About what?" Magnus asked coarsely.

"Everything," Alec said. "I didn't trust you."

Magnus averted his gaze and stared at the dancing shadows on the far wall as he listened.

"When I found Camille that night, she made me realise how different we were."

Magnus scoffed. "Camille will say anything if it was to achieve a goal in her favour." He looked at Alec. "I warned you."

"She didn't say anything I didn't already know," Alec said. "She told me we'd eventually grow apart."

"There's no way she could have known that," Magnus said. There was a touch of anger seeping in his voice. "Yet you believed her anyway." His gaze returned to shadowed wall.

"You're immortal, Magnus." Alec pointed out. "I'm not. You'd let me go on believing that we'd be happy together forever when someday when I'm old, if we even get that far, you'll still be you and probably looking for someone younger who doesn't need a stamina rune to get out of bed."

Magnus stared at the young shadowhunter in shock. "Is that how you think of me?" Magnus asked, hurt evident in his low, broken voice. "As if you're nothing but a way for me to pass the time?"

"Do you blame me?" Alec replied. "I don't know anything about your past." Alec got up and began slowly pacing back and forth at the foot of the bed. "Every time you mentioned someone I'd wonder; I'd wonder if you'd held them they way you held me, if you'd kissed them the way you kissed me, or if you'd told them you loved them the same you told me!" Alec turned to Magnus with a pained expression. "How could I trust you when I felt so...trivial?"

Magnus stayed quiet, the hurt on Alec's face mirrored on his own. "Alec..."

Alec paused and took a deep breath then returned to Magnus' side. "I knew you loved me, and that should've been enough," he said in a whisper. "But it wasn't."

The two remained silent before Magnus finally looked away, struggling to find his voice.

"What was the second thing you realised?" he asked.

Alec sighed, stood up and moved to the window. He watched as the mundanes below went about their business, completely and blissfully unaware of everything around them.

"When I met Camille," Alec began. "I asked her where you were born. She knew. I asked her who your real father was. She didn't tell me but I assumed she knew that, too." Alec stopped and turned back to Magnus. "I guess you never trusted me either." Alec's voice dropped to a whisper. "That's why I won't go back." Alec managed a sad smile. "Maybe you would have opened up to me more if I didn't rely so much on Izzy and Jace. Maybe-"

"And I would still have to compete with them for your attention." Magnus' voice was low and sad. "She's your family and he's your parabatai. That wasn't ever going to change." Magnus closed his eyes as they remained in silence.

"I should go," Alec said.

Magnus didn't move as he felt Alec's lips brush against his in a whispered goodbye. When he opened his eyes, the room was empty.

"Alec?" Isabelle rushed to her brother's side as Alec slid down to the floor, leaning heavily against the wall for support. She pulled him to his feet and took in his desolate expression with worry.

"Thanks, Iz," Alec mumbled as he fought to stay on his feet. Exhaustion was pulsing through him and he was fighting a losing battle with gravity. Beneath his left sleeve, the fearless rune began to fade.

Taking a moment to settle himself, he threw Isabelle a weak smile and headed for the door. "We should get going."

Isabelle looked back and forth between her brother and the bedroom door. "But what about Magnus?"

"He'll be fine," Alec replied before sidewinding into the wall. "Ow."

Isabelle rolled her eyes and bounded after him. She placed a supportive arm around his shoulders and reached for the door, but it wouldn't move. She pulled on the handle, looked at it quizzically and then tried again.

"What?" Alec asked.

Isabelle pulled on the door a few more times. "The door won't open"

"And it's not going to."

Alec and Isabelle turned around to see Magnus leaning against the wall with a hand clutching his wound. His cat-like eyes were sharp and determined, and they were trained directly at Alec.

"You're not going anywhere."

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_A/N: As always, thanks for reading. Please leave a review and let me know what you thought._


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Thanks everyone for all the reviews and support._

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For a split second, Alec's heart leapt knowing that Magnus wasn't ready to let him go, quickly replaced by surprise and fear as he watched Magnus grit his teeth in pain and collapse to the ground. Adrenaline coursed through his body and, his exhaustion far in his memory, Alec raced to Magnus' side. "Magnus!"

The warlock groaned as Alec pulled him to his feet and held him steady; he whimpered and shut his eyes as the movement stretched the wound in his side, sending spikes of pain throughout his body. He felt warm fingers against his skin and opened his eyes to see Isabelle on her knees, slowly peeling away the bandages that were now stained a deep red. She looked up at him with a frown.

"I'm fine," Magnus said. He untangled himself from Alec and stood on his own, swaying unsteadily until Alec caught him by the shoulders.

"He needs to lie down," Alec said to Isabelle, who nodded.

"Wait," Magnus said quickly as Isabelle stood up and moved to his side. He turned to her with a hard look. "You can leave."

Isabelle looked confused. "What?"

"I need to speak to Alec _alone_. You can go."

"He's delirious." Alec ignored Magnus and motioned for Isabelle to help him. "You're not in any condition to be ordering people around," he said to Magnus.

Magnus flinched; there was anger in Alec's voice that he was unaccustomed to hearing, enough for Magnus to concede without further protest.

As they settled Magnus on the bed, Alec turned around to Isabelle and nodded towards the door, offering her a small smile. She looked worried but nodded and wordlessly left the room, the door closing with a soft click behind her. Alec turned back to Magnus, who was lying on his back, glaring at the ceiling with his cat-like eyes. "What were you trying to do?"

Magnus turned to Alec, who had crossed his arms, and couldn't help admiring the younger man's muscles in the amber light. Magnus groaned and continued to stare at the ceiling. "This is infuriating," Magnus said, ignoring Alec's question.

"What is?"

Magnus sighed in frustration. "Everything. This. Us." He turned to Alec. "You, especially." Magnus' eyes returned to the ceiling at Alec's questioning look. "You have a particular gift of bringing out a side of me that I don't recognise," Magnus admitted with a scowl.

"What?"

Magnus sighed and turned to face Alec. "If you were anyone else, that night would have been the last time you'd have ever seen me," he said before turning away. "But you're you, and here I am; you've hurt me and yet for some reason I still love you. It's maddening."

Alec dropped his gaze, guilt aching in his chest. _This wasn't entirely my fault_, he reminded himself, but it did him little good. All the _iratzes_ in the world couldn't have eased his heart. His mind flashed back to that night, Magnus' words ringing clear in his ears, _"You didn't trust me. You never have."_ Magnus' sharp voice brought him out of his reverie.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Magnus asked.

Alec raised his head, summoning every shred of strength he had left to face Magnus. "What can I say?," he asked. "You have every right to be angry with me, to hate me."

Magnus snorted just as Chairman Meow crawled onto the warlock's chest. "Hate you? Is that what you want? For me to hate you?"

"It doesn't matter what I want." Inside, Alec began to wonder when he'd become such an invertebrate.

"I don't hate you, Alexander," Magnus said with a scoff. "Hating you would have been a lot easier." He buried his face in his cat's fur, hiding his sad smile. Moving the cat to the bed with a long sigh, Magnus sat up, a shiver running up his arm as it brushed against Alec's.

"So where does that leave us?" Alec asked. Feeling the bed shift, Alec turned around and came face to face with Magnus, their bodies closer than he'd realised.

Magnus stared at Alec, seconds felt like minutes which turned into an eternity. His golden cat-like eyes studied Alec's face, the amber light giving a greenish tinge to the blue eyes that called to him like a moth to a flame. "I don't know," he answered in a low whisper.

Alec felt disoriented from the feeling of being so close to Magnus; breathing in the earthy scent of sandalwood mixed with a touch of something singed that was uniquely Magnus. Alec watched as his hands instinctively grasped the front of Magnus' shirt, as if acting on their own, and pulled the warlock to him. He was surprised at his own actions and felt like a spectator in his own body. Their lips met in a hesitant but slow and gentle kiss and a soft groan left Magnus' throat. Alec pulled back, breathless, and leaned his forehead against Magnus'.

Magnus pulled away and tipped Alec's head up before their lips crashed together once again, aggressive and messy, fuelled by their pent up frustration and lust. Hands sought skin in a frenzy and Magnus leaned back, pulling Alec, who was trying hard to avoid Magnus' injury, with him. In a frenzy of exposed skin, their bodies moved against each other in practiced unison.

The room was bright, too bright, Alec thought as he stirred. Squinting at the room, memories of the previous night came rushing back as he took in the wrinkled sheets and littering of clothes thrown around the room. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Alec sat up, the sheets pooling around his waist, exposing his bare chest inked with a multitude of runes. As his vision began to clear, he noticed Magnus standing beside the window in nothing but a towel, his hair damp from a recent shower. Magnus stood with his side facing the window and his back to Alec, his head bent low, studying his wound.

"Magnus?" Alec called out.

Magnus spun around, smiled and walked to Alec's side. Alec could now see what the warlock was staring at; there was a small scar where the wound once was.

"You're healed," Alec said bluntly, his fingers reaching out to touch the scar. Alec pulled back when Magnus jumped at his touch. "Sorry."

"Your fingers were just a little cold," Magnus said, holding Alec's hand against his side.

Feeling the warmth radiating from Magnus' skin, Alec began to trace the sun-shaped scar with his fingers. A thought occurred to him and Alec looked up at Magnus, "It wasn't because of, you know...what we did last night...was it?" Alec leaned back against the pillows, the thought turning the tips of his ears red.

Magnus' brows disappeared into his hairline. "Sexual healing," he uttered with a grin.

"You look happy," Alec said bluntly at Magnus' easy smile, his eyes following as Magnus dropped onto the bed beside him.

"I think you have something to do with that," Magnus said as he pulled Alec in for a kiss.

Placing a hand squarely against Magnus' chest, Alec pulled away, slightly dazed. "What are we doing, Magnus?" Beneath his hand, Alec could feel the slow but steady beat of Magnus' heart, still the steadiest beat in his life.

"We're starting over," Magnus announced matter-of-factly. "You muttered it in your sleep."

Alec's brows shot up in surprise. He was usually the one to watch Magnus sleep, him being the one trained since young to rise early, whereas Magnus was used to the more laid-back lifestyle. "You're giving me another chance?" Alec asked, frowning at the hitch in his voice.

Magnus smiled warmly and cradled Alec's right cheek with his hand. "Only if you do the same for me."

Alec released the breath he didn't know he was holding and chuckled to himself, leaning forward to rest his head on Magnus shoulder, his easy smile reflecting the calm that had eased the maelstrom within. Alec took in Magnus' scent, marvelling at the pleasure that simple act brought him.

"Will you?"

His hand still on Magnus' chest, Alec remained quiet as felt the slow thump of Magnus' steady and unwavering heartbeat. He remembered the things he had said to Magnus the previous night under the fearless, but the truth was that none of it mattered. Their hearts had begun to recover; they loved each other and everything else in the mean time was inconsequential. Alec pulled back and lifted his head, his blue eyes devoid of sadness. "I stayed, didn't I?"

Magnus smiled and brought Alec's hand to his lips. "And so you did," he whispered before leaning in for a proper kiss.

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_A/N: Lots of thanks to all you readers that have followed this story so far. __Please leave a review and let me know what you thought.__  
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	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and support! I hope you enjoy this last chapter._

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Alec was staring out the window, comfortably dressed in a dark turquoise-grey turtleneck and faded blue jeans. Outside, the sun was beginning to set and the world was basked in shades of orange and purple. The people below went about their day, the hustle of an ending day in full swing as hordes of briefcases, backpacks and handbags traversed their separate ways home. His eyes refocused and in the window, Alec stared at his own reflection and frowned. The past 24 hours had been such a tumulus roller coaster of pent up frustration, anger, sadness and love that he'd come out the other side worse for wear - emotionally worn out. He and Magnus had worked things out, to an extent, and they were back together, so he should have been happy, elated and overjoyed, and he was - at first. As the hours slowly rolled by the initial euphoria had faded into practiced normalcy between the two of them, but there was something gnawing at him, something Alec was reluctant to acknowledge.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Startled, Alec quickly turned around to find Magnus, dressed in a black t-shirt with the words ONE MILLION DOLLARS across the chest in sequins and a pair of dark grey sweat pants, standing with a box of pizza in his hands and two sodas floating candidly above his head. The significance of Magnus' t-shirt wasn't lost on Alec, it being the same one he had worn the night he had asked the warlock out for the first time; it was also the first night he had ever been kissed.

"Is everything okay?" Magnus asked with concern. He set the pizza down on the glass coffee table and went to Alec's side, the sodas trailing silently behind him, bumping into the tall warlock when he stopped. Magnus waved the cans away, floating off to join their greasy counterpart on the table. Magnus narrowed his eyes at Alec whose glazed eyes continued to stare off into space. "Alec?"

"Huh?" Alec blinked and found himself in the circle of Magnus' strong embrace, his heart jumping slightly at the contact and close proximity. "Yeah, no, I'm not hungry," he mumbled, his eyes dropped and focused on the sequins of Magnus' t-shirt.

Magnus tilted Alec's head up by the chin, searching the oceans of Alec's eyes for a clue as to why the young shadowhunter was acting so strangely, and frowned when Alec averted his gaze and turned away. Reluctantly, Magnus lowered his arms and stepped back to give Alec his space. "Something's bothering you," Magnus said, worry evident in his voice.

Seeing the Magnus' frown, Alec quickly took a step forward and wrapped his arms around the warlock's slim waist and rested his head against the taller man's chest. "Sorry," Alec murmured as Magnus arms encircled him in a hug. "It's nothing."

Magnus wasn't going to let it go. He manoeuvred them to the couch, taking a step back and crossing his arms as Alec sat down. His cat-like eyes, clear and piercing stared at the younger shadowhunter. "Talk to me," Magnus implored. "What's wrong?"

Alec managed a small smile. How could he tell Magnus what was wrong when he himself wasn't entirely sure? As Magnus sat down beside him, Alec's heart fluttered when Magnus reached out and squeezed his hand, sending warmth coursing through his body. "It's strange," Alec said, his voice low. "I feel like..." Alec sighed and leaned back, throwing his head back against the sofa and stared vacantly at the ceiling. "I feel like it'll all going to slip away soon."

"What do you mean slip away?" Magnus asked, his thumb tracing comforting circles against the back of Alec's hand.

"You, this, everything." Alec said. "Like I'm about to wake up from a dream, and when I wake up, you're not going to be there."

"I'm right here. You're not dreaming." Magnus shifted closer, and with a completely straight face, he asked, "Should I pinch you?"

Alec snorted and dramatically shoved him in away. "Funny."

Magnus watched as Alec stood up and returned to the window, his eyes fixed in the direction of the fiery horizon. For a moment, Magnus hesitated to acknowledge that he, too, had become acutely aware of the wintry mist unsureness that had begun to settle - a sinking feeling that at any moment things could unravel. His arms itched to encircle the lonely shadowhunter, a constant urge he's had since the very first time he'd set his eyes on Alec, right here in this very apartment. The past month had been trying to say the least; Alec's absence had left an irreplaceable void in his life, emptiness and regret in a way he had never felt in all his years. Yet today, they had decided to start anew, a cover of joy and happiness that merely hid the shadow of doubt beneath. Deciding to make the first move, Magnus got up and walked over to stand behind Alec. His arms encircled the younger man and he rested his head against Alec's head. "Do you remember the day you came here to ask me out?"

Alec nodded.

"I thought you were cute," Magnus said. "You were a hot, strange conundrum of a Lightwood. I was expecting a short fling, a little fun, some excitement. I never dreamed of falling in love with you."

Alec turned within the circle of Magnus' embrace, face to face, their eyes now locked on each other.

Magnus smiled and shrugged. "Being with you was easy, when it was just the two of us, away from everyone else. You were important, very important to me, but you never thought of me the same way and that upset me more than is should have - that's when I realised I'd fallen in love with you, a young shadowhunter, blunt as a brick." Magnus chuckled. "I tried to stay away. I didn't answer your calls, but that didn't really work out."

Resting his head against Magnus' chest, Alec smiled, comforted by the slow and steady beat of the warlock's heart. "I just thought you were upset with me, I didn't know why."

"Well you're not exactly quick on the uptake when it comes to relationships."

"I resent that."

Magnus chuckled. "When you kissed me in Alicante, that was the happiest I had felt in a very, very long time. Loving you made me question my immortality; for the first time, I wanted to grow old with someone I genuinely loved.} Magnus paused and tightened his embrace, his voice dropping into a low whisper. "But you began to drift away - I was losing you and I didn't know why and there was nothing I could do. You don't know how hurt I was when I found you exactly where she said you'd be."

Alec pulled away slightly and cupped Magnus' cheek, his finger softly brushing against the warlock's smooth, youthful skin. "I'm sorry I never told you," Alec said. "I just didn't want to screw up."

"And turning me mortal was your solution to that?"

Alec shook his head. "No. At first I wanted to know if I could be made immortal. Maybe then you'd stop being so secretive, maybe then I wouldn't be ..."

"Trivial." Magnus finished darkly.

"Trivial." Alec leaned in closer, the very beat of Magnus' heart urging him on like a drum on a dragon boat. "She told me there no way, but there was a way to turn you mortal - for a price. I thought about it at first but I wasn't going to kill some one for it; I told her I wouldn't do it. But I kept I kept going back."

"Why?"

Alec sighed. "Because she was the only one that _knew_ you, that _loved_ you. The only one who knew you like I did, actually she knew more about you than I did. There was no one else I could talk to who would understand."

Magnus' eyes widened in surprise. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know how to explain. You've never pushed me away like that before. What was I supposed to say? I went behind your back so I could ask your ex-girlfriend for relationship advice?"

Magnus closed his eyes and sighed, keeping his sudden anger in check. What Camille had kept from him had fed his mistrust in Alec, and when he had found the shadowhunter exactly where the vampire had said, he had taken her words as the complete truth. "You weren't the only she managed to fool." Magnus leaned forward to rest his forehead against Alec's, his voice a low whisper. "Am I that hard to love?"

Alec chuckled to himself, turning his head slightly to rest against Magnus' strong shoulder. If only Magnus knew how difficult it was loving him, but then again, it may have just been him - since Magnus was the only person he'd ever been in a relationship with, there was no way to know. "Sometimes." His tone was light but reserved. Alec bit his lip. A memory of one of his meetings with Camille flashed through his mind; the baroness had laughed at his ignorance of even the simplest details about Magnus - where he was born, his lineage. In fact, aside from Magnus' fondness for his cat - who, Alec noted curiously, he hadn't seen all day, and sandalwood, along with an interesting fashion sense, Alec barely knew the warlock. Pulling back but remaining within the circle of Magnus' arms, Alec stared into Magnus' warlock mark, his green-golden cat-like eyes. Those eyes, Alec thought, had seen everything in Magnus' past - a past Magnus was unwilling to share with him.

Magnus narrowed his eyes as Alec continued to stare at him and waved his hand back and forth between them. "Alec? What is it?"

"Why can't I know?" Alec asked.

"What can't you know what?"

Alec swallowed. "You," he said squarely. "Why can't I know you?"

"Alec..."

"No." Alec stood his ground; as Magnus began to pull away, he grabbed both of the warlock's arms and held them in place. "You never want to talk about your past - any of it. I just want to know why."

Magnus stood still, closed his eyes and threw his head back with a sigh. "I just don't see why the past has to matter. Everyone has one - I have a very long and rather complicated one, but the past is the past."

"It matters to _me_. It's important to _me,_" Alec said. "Because at some point in the future, that's all I'm going to be to you - a memory."

Magnus' gaze fell sharply on Alec, his eyes wide in shock. "Alec!"

Alec sighed and let go of Magnus' arms. "I'm mortal, Magnus. I can't change that." He stepped closer to wrap his arms around the warlock's waist. "Is it so bad that I want to share more than just your bed or your shampoo?"

Magnus lowered his eyes and curled his lips into a thin line before wrapping his arms tightly around Alec. "I'm sorry," he mumbled against the skin of Alec's neck. "Even though I can't understand it, sometimes I forget how important the past is to a mortal, and-" Magnus paused and raised his head sheepishly, "there are parts of my past that I'd rather not share, least of all with you."

"Me?" Alec asked in confusion. "Why me?"

Magnus sighed and shook his head. "You can be rather dense, Alexander. It's because I love you, and as charming as I am, I, like most my age, have done things - things that might make you think twice."

Alec's face fell. "So you won't tell me?"

Magnus smiled. "No, you've made your point. Even if I don't see the merit in doing so," he said softly, "if it matters to you, then I'll tell you."

"Really?"

Magnus nodded when a small glint appeared in his eyes. "For a price," the warlock added, his smile widening into a playful grin.

Alec narrowed his eyes. "What kind of price?"

"That will depend on when you ask me." Magnus thought about it and added with a wink, "No more than an arm, maybe a leg, I promise."

Alec loved and shoved the slim warlock away before grabbing the front of his t-shirt with his hands and forcefully yanking Magnus towards him. Their lips met in a gentle kiss and Alec moved to whisper in Magnus' ears, "Thank you." Alec couldn't control the smile on his face as Magnus' arms enveloped him in a tight embrace, and they stood that way for a long while, happy that the air between them had cleared.

The night progressed slow and steadily and mist began to collect on the windows in the chilly autumn air. The burning sky had long died out, replaced by a palette of dark greys and blues, illuminated by the shine of the moon and the bright lights of the city. The Alec and Magnus had earlier moved to the couch: Magnus reclining comfortably with his feet up on the glass coffee table and Alec lying across the couch with his head resting on Magnus' legs. They were silent, wholly content with each other's close presence.

"Magnus," Alec said. It was the first word either of them had spoke in a while. "What's going to happen when I'm old and you still look like you're in your twenties? People would talk."

Magnus tilted his head back and thought about it. "People would think you're amazing in bed if you could please a twenty year-old in your eighties," he said with a wink.

Alec bit his lip and held in chuckle. "Eighties? Shadowhunters don't live that long." Not that they couldn't, it was just rare for a shadowhunter to live that long.

"I'll be damned if I let you die before you're eighty-three. Besides, no shadowhunter has ever had Magnus Bane at their rear." Magnus paused. "No pun intended." He grinned. "We'll make do with a few more stamina runes," he added, wagging his eyebrows. Magnus cried out as Alec punched him in the leg. "Ow!"

"I'm serious."

Magnus' lips curled into a thin, hesitant smile and his voice dropped to a low whisper as he continued to run his fingers through Alec's dark hair. "I can't promise you forever."

Alec looked up, wide-eyed. Magnus looked completely serious.

Magnus gazed down at Alec. "People change all the time, Alexander; mortals more often than immortals," Magnus said, a touch of sadness lingering in his eyes. "Maybe in the future, you'll find someone else - someone you love, someone who you could grow old with - who knows?"

"You think I'm the one who's going to break up with you?" Alec asked incredulously. "What about you? Maybe you'll find someone younger, someone-"

Magnus placed a finger on the younger shadowhunter's lips and shook his head. "There is no next time for me."

Alec snorted. "Isn't that a little hypocritical? You just said people change, _even immortals_."

"I'm over 400 years old, it's universally accepted that I'm allowed to be," Magnus said proudly.

Shaking his head, Alec sighed and gave the grinning warlock a strange, almost pleading look. "Cant you be _normal_ and just say you love and we'll live happily ever after? Or something along those lines - Jace seems to have a long list of them" But then again, Alec thought, Jace had always been gifted when it came to expressing himself whereas he had always been the more brooding suffer-alone-in-silence type.

"That sounds quite fitting for Jace," said Magnus with a laugh. "I didn't think you'd appreciate such an outlandish lie."

"It's a little comforting," Alec admitted.

"I suppose," Magnus mused. "Alec Gideon Lightwood, I will love you for all eternity - how's that?"

Alec yawned then raised his eyebrows with a casual smirk, the stress of the past few days once again taking its toll as sleep began to take over. "I thought you didn't want to lie?" Magnus flicked his fingers and the lights began to slowly fade.

"Who said I was lying?" Magnus was completely straight-faced. "I actually could love you for all eternity, assuming I live that long."

Smiling, Alec shifted onto his side and closed his eyes, "I can live with that - for now."

-_fin-_

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_A/N: Please leave a review!_


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